Boyfriend can’t cum

My boyfriend can’t cum from sex. Or from me at all. He has never been able to with any previous sexual partners, but can cum through masturbation. We’ve progressed slightly to the point where he can now cum in front of me, but even that can be tricky sometimes if he feels too pressured. He says he feels good, and has felt like he’s on the way to finishing, but just can’t. I think it’s all psychological, and have spoken to him a lot about it, and also tried to encourage him to see an expert, but he is so reluctant and I can see how uncomfortable he is to discuss the next step. We have a great relationship and our sex life is almost perfect - I just want to be able to share that intimacy with him. Is there anything I can do?

Hey @Pje

Thanks for sharing the above.

Ejaculation issues are common but rarely spoken about openly due to the intimate, and often stigmatised, nature of them.

It’s great to hear that you’re speaking about this together, and it sounds like you’re already making positive steps which is really great to hear.

However, your boyfriend’s complaint sounds like it has been going on for a while and I would definitely recommend talking to an expert about it. Your GP can refer you to a specialist or you can seek one privately. I can appreciate this step is daunting for your boyfriend, but it would be a huge help, and it may help him for you to go together.

The fact your relationship and sex life is so good already is a fantastic starting point. He is in a good place to overcome any hurdles with you, but sometimes these things just need a little more expert guidance to get fully better.

I am sure some people reading this have had similar experiences, so it would be great to see if you could gain support and experiences from them too.

Do let us know how you get on :slight_smile:

Sarah x

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Hey Pje, the hardest part is getting someone to talk about this so well done for bringing it up with your partner - he obviously feels comfortable to discuss it with you but it’s still a delicate topic I can imagine. A previous partner had a period of not being able to come and I thought it was me!!! And it had a knock on my confidence so it’s good you haven’t taken this personally because like you say, it is probably psychological. With the therapist, are there are any online or audio options available? Maybe he feels awkward speaking in person or face to face and with covid there could be virtual options? I’m going to check the blog section of HANX now and see if there are any relevant blogs - it’s usually my go to when friends ask for advice :joy:

Other thing I wanted to mention is pressure… great that you have identified that pressure makes it tricky - have you tried breath work? xx

I have been through similar - my partner at the time and I had psychosexual therapy. I couldn’t recommend it more. It helped his ED but also our sex life as a whole. Everyone should do it :raised_hands:t4: :raised_hands:t4: honestly, I thought it was for people with bad sex lives/ no sex (and we were having great sex still but just a few issues with erectile dysfunction) but it’s not negative at all and addresses loads of important issues. Good luck!

This is so, so, sad. I hope you sort it out.