I am really struggling as my boyfriend flat-out won’t give me oral sex. He said he can’t stand going down on me, but this is a significant part of my pleasure when having sex. It’s starting to really affect our intimacy because I don’t enjoy just P in V sex.
We have been together 6 months now, and everything about our relationship is great apart from the sex and I think this is a huge part of it.
It has made me self-conscious about down there and whether it is something about me he doesn’t like.
Would really appreciate any advice or tips! And also to know I am not alone!
My ex boyfriend was the same, he wouldn’t go down on me because he said he wanted to ‘play to his strengths’ . Sadly this wasn’t the lamest thing about my ex, but I think there’s something in it, maybe your boyfriend feels insecure about it or maybe he’s just being a lil’ bitch. Either way he needs to understand this is something you want and let’s be honest girl, something you need. So tell your man that you want him to go down on you and guide him when he’s down there, you can even make it a hot/cold situation, you know when you were a kid and you’re hunting for presents as you get hotter/colder. However you style it out you gotta voice your desires hun!
Rosie, I sure as hell hope you aren’t going down on him if he isn’t going down on you. Oral is not a one way street, not in this century.
Agreed with @Emma_HANX !
Maybe try some other things in foreplay, show him what you like and make it pleasurable for both of you. It’s a two way thing and sex is a big part of relationships!
Oh babe, this sounds awful especially if it is playing on your insecurities. Totally agree with @Emma_HANX - you better not be giving him the good stuff! Maybe slowly bring him round to the idea with some foreplay or finger work at first and over time bring him round to it. I also think teasing him with oral to show him what he is missing out on or how good it can feel then pulling back could help. Think of it as an appetiser
Ah thanks girls. I’ve told him tonight and he’s so understanding, I feel loads better already! Let’s hope it improves… really glad I can talk to other people about it I haven’t until now
This is a really common problem! Have you thought about getting some flavoured lube? I think also some guys just don’t know what to do, so they avoid it. They don’t realise they need to focus on the clit - I think the term ‘licking out’ makes them think they need to get all up in there!
I’ve always been happy to be a cunning linguist, it really gets me going. I liked to think that I was quite accomplished… but boys don’t talk about the ins and outs of things with other boys. So you have to give him guidance or it won’t be satisfying for either of you. Also, Love Honey have a couple of good write ups on the subject with some great tips. It certainly helped me up my game.
Been laughing at this thread (in a good way!!) don’t see people talking about this stuff. I hope things are different now @rosie or you have a new man Definitely wasn’t anything to do with you! xx
Thank you everyone who had ideas!! Honestly really really helped
In good news, we actually ended up giving it a go (@Zag you were right! We tried with some lube and he said it was better as there was less pressure to get me wet straight up and it felt more fun and naughty) and even though it didn’t become a regular thing for us, he definitely put a bit more effort in to do it.
The bad news is we’re not actually together anymore lol. Not because of the going down thing, but I ended up moving to another city for work. It’s all fine and we’re sort of in touch as friends. On the plus side, I’m looking forward to getting back out there and meeting new people who are more into it so wish me luck!
Ahh @rosie! We’ve all been there - perhaps you’ve set up his future partners for success? Good luck with your new adventures in dating - keep us posted with your (s)exploits!
Hey girls, loving all the comments on this thread…I agree with Zag, this is a common problem for sure Partners that are not ‘keen’ on performing oral sex is never ideal when we enjoy it, but sometimes having a conversation and stripping back the kink can help overcome these things.
Try discussing it with your partner, and maybe trying something new together so its a first time experience for you both- be intimate in a new location, try a new product, role play foreplay games are all things that could relax the situation without compromising your relationship … hope this helps x
Such an important thread, with amazing advice - so useful to find, definitely had this problem before…
Thanks so much for raising this @rosie… loved reading the advice.
I sometimes wonder whether my exes have had issues with this too, and either don’t bother (eugh) or absolutely hate it when they do. My current boyf loves it (apparently), but either way I would agree with the communication piece. The more open and honest I’ve been with partners, the better sex has been it totally goes both ways xx
Really surprised that this appears common. I’m guessing it might be a lot to do with confidence? For me, there is nothing more exhilarating than going down on a girl.
So I have a question… How do we talk to our partners about oral in terms of wanting to point him in the right direction without putting him off entirely?!